The power of positive thinking

 

It is so easy for negative thoughts to consume you. At first, you don't realise it much, but later one negative word can affect everything you think and do. When you focus on the negative it can destroy you from the inside out. 

Since my breast cancer diagnoses at the end of July, the word 'cancer' became an obsession. Almost like the squirrel-obsessed dog in the movie Up.

In the four weeks following my diagnoses, I went for a myriad of diagnostic tests and at least two doctors' appointments every week. My first thoughts when waking up was about cancer and the many 'what ifs' that accompany any life-threatening disease. At this time I was very busy at work, so did not have much time to consult Dr Google too much.

Then I had a mastectomy. The four weeks following the surgery was the worst. It is much easier for negativity to take over your life when your head feels like it is attached to a stranger's body. Having never had any kind of surgery before in my life I did not realise how 'sick' surgery would make me feel. No matter how hard I tried, my body's reaction to the surgery and the complications and the recovery period were too strong for my mind to handle. 

It was during this period that I also lost a high-value contract, one that was supposed to keep me busy enough not to allow negative thoughts to enter my mind. So, instead of being busy all day I sat on the internet reading about cancer mortality rates, metastasis of cancer, side-effects of chemotherapy, and more. 

Over and above reading about cancer all day long, every conversation I entered into was spent talking about my cancer or the other person's experience with cancer as a survivor or how they lost a loved one to cancer.

All of a sudden the word cancer dominated my thoughts and conversations. It even took over my social media timelines. It opened a dark, spiraling portal that sucked the energy right out of me, drawing me deeper into a dark depression with each passing day.

Last week I was on a Skype call with a colleague and she said something so profound that I had to interrupt the conversation and ask her if she minds if I write it down. She said:

"I didn't choose it so why will I let it stop me." 

This was when I realised that I am allowing something that I did not choose to consume my life. It does not mean that by some miracle I no longer think about cancer. Neither does it mean that I am suddenly cured of all negative thoughts. It only means that I have decided to consciously focus on the positive things in life.

There is a long and uncertain journey ahead of me and there are going to be times that negative thoughts will pop into my head. I am, however, going to try very hard to let the power of positive thinking take back control over my life.